I am that mom... the one who fosters rolling eyes, strange looks from strangers and laughter mixed with confusion for the things I say.
I'm that mom, who when faced with a whiny kid who wants to know why she can't have the contents of the chocolate impulse-buying rack, says 'because you picked the mean mom this time.'
I'm that mom, who when a teenage friend of one child got into the car and said 'oh my god,' turned around with feigned amazement and said, 'you have your own god? That's so cool!'
I'm that mom, who while following a child standing while being pushed in a grocery cart, quips off-handedly to whichever child is with me, 'did I tell you that 75% of all head injuries in children under 5 are from falls from grocery carts?'
I'm that mom, who when accosted by a nearly-teenage child who snaps, 'nobody understands me!' just stares for a moment and then laughs, while trying to say 'I can't believe you just said that!!'
I'm that mom, who after saying the same line (following the same set-up) over and over again for nearly 20 years, has a child who says 'say something different, your lines are so tired.'
I'm that mom, who when told 'I want a pony/puppy/hamster/rat/hedgehog/chinchilla,' would respond, 'when you grow up and move out of the house, you can have as many as you want.'
I'm that mom, who upon hearing any greed-borne sentence starting with 'I want' responds with, 'there sure are a lot of things to want, hey?'
I'm that mom, who when any child says 'that's not fair' replies with 'did you buy a ticket? Then this probably isn't a fair.'
I'm that mom, who upon being requested to put this child's gloves, hat, shoes, coat, shirt, sweater or mittens on, actually tries to put them on --me.
I'm that mom, whose children learned before they were five to say, when bringing the cheese, mayonnaise, mustard, bread and a knife, 'I want all this on a sandwich, but not the knife.'
photo Whole Wheat Sandwich Bread by Little Blue Hen used with permission (Creative Commons, Attributed-Derivative)